When I was approached to write a blog post for World Menopause Day, I immediately felt a strange mix of gratitude and hesitation. Grateful for the opportunity to discuss an important topic but also, where on earth do I start. Menopause is such a big topic. October marks World Menopause Month, which aims to raise awareness of the menopause and options to improve health and wellbeing for women in mid-life and beyond. Culminating with World Menopause Day on 18 October, the theme for 2022 is cognition and mental health. (Balance-menopause.com)
I would love to be able to share how I’m cruising though this phase of life with ease and joy. Alas in all honesty my experience has so far been debilitating, lonely, surreal, relentless and mostly confusing, but it is slowly improving. This stage of life has affected me mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Its fair to say I have a very complicated relationship with perimenopause.
My aim for this blog is to deliver a blend of my personal experience of this perimenopause roller coaster ride I’m currently on, share some experiences from other women and signposting to resources I have found helpful.
According to a recent survey by the British Menopause Society, both men and women don’t always feel comfortable talking about the menopause because it is still a “taboo” topic in the UK. The findings show that in the UK there is a larger demand for support for women going through the menopause.
Over the past 6 years, I have been plagued with a long list of issues such as brain fog, crushing fatigue, mood changes, night sweats, weight gain, hot flushes and anxiety. I was then diagnosed with chronic fatigue and anxiety without any mention of perimenopause. It was only through my own continued research and being brave enough to return to the doctors that I was finally listened to. For context, I am now 46 but I remember visiting a doctor with a list of symptoms asking if it could be perimenopause, which resulted in being laughed at and bluntly informed I’m ‘too young’ (at the time I was 41).
As part of my attempt to deepen my knowledge and understanding. I turned to the internet and social media where I discovered a whole host of support. I was able to read the many posts which contained useful information, connect with other women who were struggling and found a space where I could ask questions and be supported without judgement. Let me share here there are so many women struggling unnecessarily. I discovered lots of online resources, websites and books which I have listed below. I have made changes to my lifestyle including diet, the way I exercise and self-care practices. Wellbeing is so important, especially during the perimenopause. It is common for women to be juggling work, children, elderly parents which can take its toll emotionally, physically and mentally.
I reached out to one of the Facebook groups to ask what perimenopause/menopause conjures up for them and what would help. This is what members shared:
- “Brain fog, anxiety and tiredness”
- “Someone to talk too”
- “Horrendous, life changing, lonely”
- ” help would be a doctor actually being informed instead of us informing them”. “Education, nowhere near enough knowledge or education around this subject”
- “Hot, anxious, weight gain”.
- “What would have helped was information/publicity about the symptoms and HRT access early in the stage.”
- “Public awareness so you and the people around you could understand what was happening and be helpful/kind/non-judgemental.”
- “Hot, Anxiety, Stressful”
- “Sadness, lonely and lost”
- “Life changing, GAD, insomnia. Being prepared with the knowledge & support what the peri would bring & how it can & does affect women. I felt like I was losing my mind & thought this is it. Absolutely awful 18months, thankfully 3yrs on & I’m managing better, some confidence returning thankfully & able to drive again locally”
- “What The #### were my 3 words when I was diagnosed with Menopause, age 36 in May this year. These are still my words when I think about it. I’ve not met anyone else my age with POI. These groups, including Daisy Network have been the best support. I’d be lost without them. I’m thinking of going public and starting a blog. Not because I want to have sympathy but because I want to spread awareness and let people know they aren’t on their own. It’s lonely and heck of an emotional roller coaster”
The one theme clear to see is the need for women to have someone to talk to about what is a confusing and lonely stage of life. I can resonate with the loneliness, even though I am surrounded by family and friends it is an unbelievably lonely experience. A barrage of emotions come and go including anger, frustration, loss, sadness, uncertainty. A huge identity crisis hit, which I am still navigating.
I have been one of the lucky ones who received understanding from family, friends and eventually doctors. The support and compassion I received from my academic tutor and mentor during my degree was pivotal and without it I’m not sure I would have completed my degree. Battling numerous deadlines, epic amounts of reading and research and writing in-depth assignments with extreme brain fog and fatigue. Struggling to remember key pieces of information for exams and skills sessions nearly broke me.
According to The Fawcett Society, 1 in 10 women who worked during the menopause have left a job due to their symptoms. Workplaces need to have support in place to help retain women and allow them to thrive in the workplace. Doctors’ surgeries need to be a safe place where women (and I believe partners) can go for help and support. Doctors/Nurses need to be trained and hold up-to-date knowledge
I was offered HRT without question and decided to wait until I completed my degree to try it, but I am aware that many, many women encounter terrible, unhelpful and dismissive responses from those who should be willing and able to help. Many women are currently unable to access HRT due to shortages or the postcode lottery. What about women who don’t wish to take the HRT route and who may prefer to take a more natural approach or are unable to use HRT? Who do they approach?
It has been great to see celebrities like Davina McCall and Dr Louise Newson (Menopause specialist) and many more working hard to increase awareness on the topic and deliver evidence-based information. We are slowly moving in the right direction, but more needs to be done to support and help women prepare and navigate this phase in life.
According to Chinese medicine, menopause (referred to as Second Spring) is a profound and joyful period for women because it gives them the chance to share their wisdom with the next generation and be inspired by new hobbies that frequently encourage them to give back to society in some way. Wouldn’t it be great to embrace this narrative, so let’s keep talking, raising awareness, connecting, sharing and supporting each other through this journey.
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Author: Claire Streeton
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Helpful Resources
Dr. Naomi Potter – Menopause Care Specialist Support
British Menopause Society Survey
Daisy Network (early menopause)
Facebook Groups – Perimenopause Hub, MenoHealth, Menosisters
Instagram- @drmenopausecare @balancemenopause @menopause_doctor @davinamccall @kate_codrington
Books – Second Spring – Kate Codrington, Menopause – Davina McCall
Thanks for doing this article. I have experienced the same where the doctors surgery told me I could not be going through the perimenopause as at 48 I was too young! They had no idea.