You braced yourself and tried to ignore the flotsam of memories that would eventually become a crashing storm. They began in ones or twos; small parts of things you had said, sometimes decades ago, sometimes more recently.
They never cast you in a good light.
Usually, it was when you had said something stupid or hurtful. The memory would sting repeatedly, until you loathed yourself.
Then those other memories came, the ones where your actions, not your words, did the harm. They flitted in and out of your mind like thieves, stealing any scant confidence or happiness you had left. Until it was just you and the worst things you had done in your life. You thrashed and squirmed in your filthy bed, sweating and pleading for succour, but no respite was to be found.
“Why me?” you asked. “Why me?” And again. “Why me?” And again, until it was a futile mantra.
You, now overheated in your stuffy room, kicked off your duvet and sprawled naked on your bed with tears pricking your eyes. You dared not look at your mobile in your drawer, knowing what it might hold: your worst suspicions. The time had moved to the early hours of the morning, condemning the day to misery.
“Why me?” you mouthed from moist lips. “Why me?”
But there was no answer.
– Elliot J Harper
I’m a speculative fiction writer. My debut novel, New Gillion Street, was published in January 2024 by Fly on the Wall Press. I self-published a weird horror short story collection, The Strange Tales of Gillion, in January 2025. I have short stories in print in The Wild Hunt: Stories of the Chase and Spirit Machine by Air and Nothingness Press, Black Telephone Magazine Issue 1 by Clash Books, and The Protest Issue in Popshot Quarterly Magazine. My short story, Into the Garden, won the Flash Vision 2021 contest, which was run by The Molotov Cocktail. I have 26 short stories online in Maudlin House, Storgy, Neon Books, Coffin Bell, Horrified Magazine and Idle Ink. I live in York, England. Find me on my website, www.elliotjharper.com.