If you’ve seen any little kids’ TV lately, you’ll know: Cbeebies has a lot to answer for.

There have been times when the Teletubbies sun baby stares into my soul every time I closed my eyes, I did almost a whole week at work humming the In the Night Garden theme song, and I shudder at the thought of Cbeebies in general. So it begs the question, WHY?

As much as I’d love to believe that these shows are nothing but inane babble and bright colours, it turns out – much to the dismay of any grown ups in the vicinity – that they probably need to be that way.

Is it nonsensical? Or just necessary nonsense?

Colourful nonsense is apparently what babies and toddlers need at this stage of development. As far as the bright colours go, babies’ eyes aren’t fully developed yet, so that’s what will grab their attention and keep them focussed on the electronic babysitter when you need them to.

Research also says that up until about 13 months old, babies are in the ‘prelinguistic phase’ of language development, meaning that they’ll be babbling. To themselves, to you, to other babies in some heated babble conversations, and to the kind of babble they’ll hear on TV.

But what about the soothing tones of Derek Jacobi in In The Night Garden, you might ask? Well, despite not being able to string a sentence about the Tombliboos together just yet, this prelinguistic stage is packed full of listening and absorbing language and communication. They’ll start to apply their own meanings to specific babble sounds – maybe one reserved for the joy of seeing Makka Pakka, and another to shame Iggle Piggle for losing his blanket again – until eventually they get to the ‘holophrase’ stage. It’s just the one word at a time, but they’re essentially trying to communicate a whole sentence with it:

YES! THE NINKY NONK IS HERE! I LOVE THE NINKY NONK!

is probably going to come out something like:

MIM!

Absorbing things eh, babies? How about a nice spot of plot line?

That being said, as much as I’m all for the natural development of language and speech, is there really no room for some less inane stories? By all means, keep the bright colours, but if kids are going to develop speech by absorbing what they hear anyway, couldn’t they hear something that’s a little more entertaining for us unfortunate fully lingual folk?

You can see a three part story in most shows, regardless of if it’s for kids or not: equilibrium, disruption, and resolution. It’s not hard to do. 

It’s as easy as 1, 2, 3!

Definitely a real quote from Tzvetan Todorov about narrative structure.

But you can also bring these delightful simple plot lines along with some characters who have actual personalities, not just varying levels of annoyingness. Look at Ivor the Engine – simple concept, it’s narrated in nice easy sentences, you’ve got your hit of bright colours, and there’s even a dragon!

The difference between something like Ivor and something like the teletubbies though – other than a lack of slightly terrifying sun babies – is that it’s simple without being dumbed down completely. It’ll also stand the test of time as the toddlers develop more understanding and their own speech! Just think, they can go from shouting:

TEA!

to really appreciating the influences from the show:

STICK THE KETTLE ON, LET’S HAVE A CUPPA LIKE JONES THE STEAM.

maybe not verbatim, but you get the gist.

And most importantly, honestly even more so than the kids’ effective brain development, it would avoid the brain deterioration of grown ups who have to watch TV with them.