In November 2017, I was offered a full-time position as Digital Marketing Assistant after previously working for Tees Valley Music Service as a Digital Media Apprentice on a temporary contract. This was an exciting opportunity for me; to work in a sector I was passionate about , with a company that valued my work and wanted me to take on more responsibilities. Taking on this role would certainly increase my responsibilities as I now managed the TVMS social media accounts, the TVMS website and supervised the construction of monthly newsletters. Naturally, my role within the company transitioned from an unambiguous office administrator into a public-facing positioning as one of my duties was to lead fortnightly marketing meetings with senior management and the wider Education Hub board.
As an individual who has had debilitating issues with confidence and public speaking this was a very daunting prospect. My concerns proved correct when I led the first marketing meeting in December 2017 as I was overcome with anxiety, prompting senior management to take over the meeting as I couldn’t continue.
Afterwards, I spoke to my line manager and I expressed my concerns about my public-speaking responsibility. He offered me two options: I could renege on this commitment or I could take part in a team building conference to hopefully improve my confidence. I opted for the latter because I believe the more you commit to developing a skill, the more likelihood you will have of achieving it.
Applying personal reflection to Gibbs Model
I have applied this personal reflection to Gibbs’ reflective cycle in order to contextualise and standardised the experience to apply to future self-reflection activities.
1. Description – what happened?
As part of my role with TVMS I was required to lead the marketing meetings and talk at length at the latest developments for the company’s marketing strategy to a the Hub Board – a group of 15 industry professionals who have a stake in TVMS. During the first meeting I experienced anxiousness and got completely flustered which prompted my line manager to take over the presentation.
2. Feelings – your reaction
At the time I felt completely embarrassed and disappointed that I couldn’t continue with the presentation. I had prepared a long time to deliver it but when I was actually in the room in front of 15 senior professionals, I didn’t have the confidence or the self-belief to carry on. I always like to believe I can take on any challenge I am presented with and public-speaking is certainly a major obstacle for me – one which I desperately couldn’t overcome in that particular moment.
3. Evaluation – what was good and bad?
The main positive I could draw from this experience was that I did prepare thoroughly for the presentation. I had devised cue cards, developed an interactive PowerPoint and had been practising for days leading up to the meeting. The thing that clearly didn’t go so well was that I lost my thought process three minutes into my speech. I was grateful for my line manager, and also the general manager, for steeping in to rescue the situation as it allowed me to compose myself and the presentation was given on my behalf. The Hub Board and the senior management team are incredibly understanding and supportive and although this had no impact on my ability to carry out my job role, it did carry doubt in mind as to whether I was the right person to fulfil the commitments of the role.
4. Analysis – make sense of the situation
As already expressed, public-speaking has always been a weakness of mine – from when I had to speak in front of classmates at school to join interviews – I have never been comfortable projecting and vocalising my ideas and opinions. Contrastingly, I believe I am a confident writer and also I have grown in confidence communicating over the phone but face-to-face interaction is difficult. This may be because a large part of presenting is to speak without a script so that the dialogue is naturally and engaging. There may also be an element of social awkwardness, not knowing where to look or how to stand and also reading other people’s body language can be off-putting . I believe a mixture of these factors played a role.
Upon further research, I discovered lots of resources catered for people who have a fear of public speaking including form the Mayo Clinic; featuring courses I could enrol on, free articles and videos giving tips and advice to improve presentation techniques etc. My line manager recommended I partake in their course for my own personal development which I am going to explore.
5. Conclusion – what have you learnt?
Overall, I have learnt to communicate to my management team about any issues I have as this could lead to new opportunities to develop skills I am lacking in. In hindsight I should have made senior leaders aware as this could have resulted in the meeting being pushed back or led by another team member, allowing me time to improve. Also, I have learnt that I shouldn’t overly worry about public speaking as it isn’t a large portion of my responsibilities. By not putting too much pressure on myself, this might improve my confidence and overall delivery of presentations going forward.
6. Action Plan – what are you going to do differently?
There will be more opportunities for me to demonstrate my improved public-speaking skills, not only at TVMS but also in my future career. As I have plans to become a manager who lead teams and devise marketing strategies, it was essential I worked on this weakness. Online resources and practice are key to growing my confidence and attending more social occasions will have a positive impact on my personal development. If I am in a similar situation next time, I would ask the audience to bare with me a few moments while I compose myself, take a deep breath and start where I left off.
