Today is international men’s day! A global holiday to celebrate the achievements and contributions of men around the world as well as bring awareness to the issues that many men face. Thank you to all of the men who are doing their part to make the world a better place, no matter how small your contribution to the world is, it all makes a difference.
Today I wanted to talk about a topic that I don’t think is talked about enough and that’s men’s mental health and the wider impact of this. As children we are raised with certain societal gender stereotypes, ideas about what it means to be a boy or a girl. As a nanny for families around the world I have seen first-hand how little boys and girls are treated differently from even the most loving and well-intentioned of adults. It starts before birth with ideas about who the little boy will be and so many subtle things throughout childhood that teach boys that they are expected to be tough and strong. Small and subtle messages from the media and from the adults that they trust, telling them that weakness and emotion is associated with girls. For example, baby clothes aimed at boys will have words about being tough and strong, working out or even little jokes about them being ‘lady killers’. Whereas girl’s clothes are more centred around being cute and sweet. The toys that are given to boys are more about physical action, unlike girl’s toys which promote more of a social atmosphere. While boys are outside running around playing football they are not having as much time practising expressing themselves as the little girls who are inside having a tea party. These are all generalisations and the stereotypes are reducing over time as people realise the impact that they are having – but they definitely still happen, and it all adds up over time.
Children take in a lot more than we may realise, it is much more common in movies and television shows to see an emotional woman or girl, than it is to see men or boys showing emotion, and when we do see men cry, we often hear the phrase “crying like a little girl” – it’s something to be mocked. Phrases like “man up” are used, and it’s often seen as a sign of weakness if a boy shows emotion. He’s labelled “too sensitive”, and people start to worry about him. Many fathers find it hard to say the L word to their sons because they never heard it from their own fathers. It’s almost seen as normal, just the way things are. All of these things add up over time to boys being less confident in expressing their feelings and they are more likely to keep things inside.
When someone keeps their emotions inside and doesn’t speak to anyone about them, especially when that person is feeling negative with their emotions or is struggling and doesn’t know how to ask for help – this can have very serious consequences. If men feel like they are unable to express when they are struggling, if they feel like they have to be the strong ones in the family, then this can lead to feeling isolated and lonely. Not knowing how to express our emotions in a healthy way can lead to them bubbling out in unhealthy ways. If you don’t feel like you can ask for help, this can cause you to try the same things over and over, building frustration and despair when they repeatedly don’t work.
This cycle of feeling trapped and alone is what can lead to mental health problems such as depression and anxiety. “Around three-quarters of registered suicide deaths in 2020 were for men (3,925 deaths; 75.1%), which follows a consistent trend back to the mid-1990s.” This is why it is so important that we start talking about this topic. It’s a huge topic, but I hope that we can not only think about it more, but start healthy discussions with boys and girls about how showing emotion isn’t weak and that asking for help when we’re struggling takes strength. It’s also never too late to start talking about our emotions, and we can and should start doing this at any age.
People of all genders have differing levels of masculinity and femininity which is beautiful, and we should feel safe expressing ourselves in whatever way feels true to us. Life can be hard and we all need a helping hand from time to time so we should come together and support each other. This international men’s day, why not reach out to your brother, father, son, husband, friend, neighbour and check in with them – you never know how much a smile, a hug or a simple “how are you doing?” could make a difference to someone’s life.
If you’re struggling, talk to somebody you trust, a friend, a family member or teacher, you could speak with your GP about your options for getting help with any mental health issues that you may be going through, such as stress, depression, anxiety and fatigue.
Here are some links for if you are looking for someone to talk to.
• Menfulness | An inclusive social community for men in York
• Samaritans | Every life lost to suicide is a tragedy | Here to listen – Call 116 123
• Campaign Against Living Miserably | CALM, the campaign against living miserably, is a charity dedicated to preventing male suicide, the biggest single killer of men aged 20-45 in the UK (thecalmzone.net)
• SHOUT | Free, 24/7 mental health text support in the UK – Shout 85258
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Author: Sophie-May
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References
Suicides in England and Wales – Office for National Statistics (ons.gov.uk)
