Today is National Bereaved Parents Day. Organised by A Child of Mine, it’s an opportunity to raise awareness of parents and caregivers who have lost a child. By sharing our stories and keeping the conversation going we continue to show the bereaved parent community that they are not alone.
To help us carry on this important conversation, we speak to Dr. John Wilson, Director of the Bereavement Service at the Counselling and Mental Health Centre, who shares his experience and perspective.
“The death of your child, whatever their age, is like no other loss. Whether they were five days or fifty years old, it goes against the natural order of things. Nobody should ever have to bury their own child. With their death, comes other losses. Hopes and dreams you had for them, the future you envisaged, dies with them. A mother can revisit the death of her teenage daughter every time she passes a bridalwear shop, thinking through the tears that she will never see her daughter married, and never have grandchildren. If you lose your only child, you lose your identity as a parent.
The death can leave parents traumatised. A sudden death can turn a family home into a potential crime scene. Until a cause of death is established, the need for a post-mortem can deny parents access to their child’s body. That’s not to mention press intrusion and doorstepping when the family lose a child in high-profile and public awareness.
The loss of a child frequently causes tension between the parents. Out of the best motives, couples often hide their grief from each other. This invariably causes misunderstanding and resentment, which bereavement counselling for couples can sometimes resolve.
I lost my son Paul to cot death in 1982. You can read his story here. Like all parents, it’s a grief that I’ve learnt to live with, but it never really goes away. Nor would I want it to; within the memories is a continuing bond with Paul. His legacy to me is the passion and empathy I bring to working with bereaved parents, indeed all bereaved people.
I would never say that I understand a parent’s grief because each person’s loss is unique. I hope though, that my wide experience of the many tragic circumstances which surround parental bereavement, gives me the insight and compassion to be able to help.”
John Wilson has specialised in bereavement counselling for 20 years, and is currently running a bereavement group alongside Lynne Gabriel at CMHC. We have included some additional support services below:
Counselling and Mental Health Centre Bereavement Group
