Like many others this Father’s Day, I will be faced with a public celebration that now merely marks the absence of someone I love. As I contemplate how best to put into words the feelings that may arise, and those that have already surfaced, I cannot help but be flooded with the potentially stereotypical image of grief entries that often attempt to bring a hopeful uplift to the reader with statements such as “You can still do something beautiful in their memory” or “Try and use it as a time to think on all your happy memories together”.
Now whilst there is nothing wrong about these statements, I instinctively travel towards the question: what about those of us that are in a place of not knowing what we feel at all? Or those of us that are not even sure if they have felt any sudden emergence of emotion with this day approaching, and are then left questioning if this is ‘normal’ or okay? There seem to be numerous ‘shoulds’, ‘coulds’ and ‘woulds’ that accompany the conception of grief and how one experiences it; with a holiday that will come around each and every year, we must ask ourselves truly, is it realistic that we essentially carry this expectation that all those who have experienced a bereavement will be overcome with heartache come the 19th of June?
Can a Father’s Day without a father present simply be viewed as just another working day? Another day where you go and do a grocery shop; another day where you do a wash load and then dye your roots; another day where you are purely just counting down the hours until you can watch newest episode of whatever reality tv show you’ve currently been bingeing. Is this something that some of us who are grieving actually need every so often? If any of this resonates and you’re feeling that your grief ultimately has a mind of it’s own and simply re-emerges if and when it chooses, then I hear you. Your grief is completely individual and unique to you alone, but that doesn’t mean that you must be isolated in that experience either. Feel confident enough to be honest with your loved ones about how you are feeling this Father’s Day because no one is in any position to judge such a personal experience.
Also, websites such as Marie Curie have helpful suggestions on how to manage your grief on Father’s Day, including a very important reminder that ‘feeling good is fine too’ (11 things you can do to cope with grief this Father’s Day). Another blog also mentions the useful tip of staying away from Facebook for the day; I would add other social media platforms to that also, as seeing surplus posts, both joyous and heart-breaking can most definitely feel overwhelming, triggering or even maddening at times. I know I will definitely be staying offline for the day, other than to spread the word of this blog post, obviously!
And on that note, I suppose we can only end with:
Happy Father’s Day everyone.
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Author: Grace
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References:
Cohan, D. (2016). How to Survive Father’s Day Without a Father. [Blog] Psychology Today, Available at: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/social-lights/201606/how-survive-fathers-day-without-father, [Accessed 13 June 2022].
Marie Curie Blog (2021). 11 things you can do to cope with grief this Father’s Day. Available at: https://www.mariecurie.org.uk/blog/fathers-day-support/195397, [Accessed 13 June 2022].
