Happy New Year!
A lot of people use the new year as a clean slate, a chance to start fresh and forget about the mistakes of the year just gone by. We go into each new year with the mindset that this year is going to be better and how will we achieve this amazing new year? With a list of resolutions of course! But the reality is that no matter how many promises we make to ourselves about how different we’re going to be this year, we’re still human and we’re still going to make mistakes because that’s how we grow and learn.
It may feel good for a moment to say “new year, new me” because it helps us let go of any painful or embarrassing mistakes from the last year but actually, we need those mistakes. Every mistake that we’ve made and everything that went wrong over the last year has probably helped to make us stronger and wiser. If we just let the person that we were last year disappear completely then it’s likely that we’ll just end up making the same mistakes over and over again. So, we are the same person as we were last year just with a little bit more knowledge.
The knowledge that I am taking forward from last year is that perfect doesn’t exist. If you turned on the news last year, you were met with scary stories about the state of the world, for some of us the way to deal with the feelings of overwhelm that come from this was by controlling what we can in our own little lives. We may not be able to fix the world, but we can make our own environment perfect, right? But trying to make everything perfect is just going to bring disappointment when something inevitably goes differently to how we expect. It also puts way too much pressure on ourselves to create the impossible. If we go into the year thinking, “This year I’m going to be the perfect parent” or “This year I’m going to be the perfect student and get all my assignments done early”, it’s unrealistic and just ends up causing more stress. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines perfectionism as “the tendency to demand of others or of oneself an extremely high or even flawless level of performance, in excess of what is required by the situation. It is associated with depression, anxiety, eating disorders, and other mental health problems.”
So how can we deal with these feelings of needing everything to go perfectly?
- It’s very important, especially in times of stress and anxiety, to remember to be gentle with ourselves.
- Be kind to yourself.
- I’m not saying we shouldn’t set goals, but it is important to remember that it’s okay if those goals shift and change into something else as you grow throughout the year too.
- Instead of setting big unrealistic goals, try breaking it down to more simple goals that you can go through one at a time.
- Remember to celebrate what you do achieve, as well as being kind to yourself if something doesn’t work out.
- Try to spend more time focusing on the positives and things that are going well.
- Start a gratitude journal, this can really help to shift your focus to a happier and more relaxed mindset, instead of needing everything to go perfectly all the time.
- Talk to someone you trust about how you’re feeling and if your striving for perfection is starting to cause stress, anxiety or lowering your mood then speak to your GP.
- Additional resource – Help for Perfectionism – NoPanic
~
Author: Sophie-May
~
References
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Perfectionism. In APA dictionary of psychology. Retrieved December 13th 2021, from perfectionism – APA Dictionary of Psychology
